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Sense of humour

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Re: Sense of humour

Post by simmon on Tue Sep 20, 2011 12:39 pm


Sadar Singh had a black eye.
His teacher asked him about it.
Sadar said "Madam, me, my mother and my
father sleep in the same bed.
My father would ask, 'Sadar are you asleep?'
When I say, 'No', he'll give me a Black eye.'

The teacher told him, "Tonight when your father asks again, keep
dead quiet and don't answer."

The following morning when Sadar came to school, his eyes were fine, so the
teacher breathes a sigh of relief.
But the day after, Sadar came back with a severe black eye again.

"My goodness, Sadar, why the black eye again?"
"Mdm, Dad asked me again, 'Sadar are you asleep?' and I
shut up and kept dead still.
Then my father and my mother started moving and wriggling.
Mom sounded as though something got stuck in her throat and was kicking her legs up frantically."

Then my father asks my mother: 'Are you coming?'
My mom says, 'Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?'
My dad answered, 'Yes.'

Since they seldom go anywhere without me, I said 'Wait for me.' "



"Silence is Golden"

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Re: Sense of humour

Post by desmondlau on Tue Sep 20, 2011 12:56 pm

Wakakakaka... ROFL nice one!
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Re: Sense of humour

Post by simmon on Fri Oct 07, 2011 10:46 am

A loud scream came from the bedroom and the husband ran in.
He saw a guy leaping out of the window.
Wife : That guy just screwed me twice!
Husband : Twice?
Why didn't you call me in after he screwed you once?
Wife : Because I thought it was you, until he started the second time.

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Re: Sense of humour

Post by simmon on Fri Oct 07, 2011 10:47 am

What is the difference between a chick and a baby?
Chick is the result of a sitting hen while the baby is the result of standing cock.


If a bomb bursts in a bra, what would you get?
Tit-Bits.
And if it bursts in a man's underwear?
Banana split.


What's the difference between a Bomb & a Condom?
In a bomb blast, the population decreases.
But in a condom blast, the population increases.

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Re: Sense of humour

Post by simmon on Fri Oct 14, 2011 10:09 pm

A little boy was doing his maths homework.
He said to himself, "Two plus five, the son of a b!tch is seven.

Three plus six, the son of a b!tch is nine..."
His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my maths homework, Mom."
"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.
"Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in maths?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."
The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, the Son Of a b!tch is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,

"What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

Moral of the story :
Teachers, please ensure your pronunciation is comprehensible to the young and innocent students whom you teach!



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Re: Sense of humour

Post by simmon on Wed Oct 19, 2011 1:23 am

A very tall man walks into a bar, and a lady recognizes him as a real Rugby
player. They start to talk and eventually go back to his place.

They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt. On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK.

"What's that for?" the lady questions.

"Oh, I have this so that when I'm on TV, people will see my tattoo, and Reebok pays me."

Then the man takes off his trousers, and on his leg, he has a tattoo that says NIKE.

'What's that?' the lady questions again.

"Just like the Reebok tattoo, I get paid when this tattoo is seen on TV."

Then the man drops his underwear and on his penis he has a tattoo that says AIDS.

The lady screams: "Don't tell me you have AIDS!"

The man replies: "No, no... Calm down......


It will say ADIDAS in a minute."

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Re: Sense of humour

Post by desmondlau on Sat Oct 29, 2011 4:25 pm

GIRL : "Mom!!! I'm pregnant!!!

MOM: "What!!! Didn't I tell you that if a boy touches your Boobs , say "Dont"?!?!
And If He Touches your Private Part , say "Stop"!?!?

GIRL: Well He Did Them Both So I Kept On Saying "Dont Stop"

MOM: ........
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Re: Sense of humour

Post by simmon on Thu Nov 03, 2011 1:14 am

Wow, good 1 Desmond Laughing

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Re: Sense of humour

Post by simmon on Sat Nov 05, 2011 12:59 pm

On his last day, the Russian foreign minister took the African foreign minister into a room with a table on which lay a revolver.

'My comrade, since you are about to leave, I must introduce you to a custom we have here in Russia , something called Russian roulette. It is a true test of manhood. How it works is that you must take the revolver, spin the cylinders, hold the revolver to your head and then pull the trigger. Only one of the six chambers is loaded.'

The African leader, being of proud warrior stock and a courageous man, took the revolver, spun the cylinder, snapped it shut, pointed it at his head and sighed with relief when all he heard was 'click', but no shot. Well impressed with his bravery, he and the Russian drank vodka until the African leader had to be carried aboard his plane.

Six months later the Russian foreign minister visits the African foreign minister country. The African, remembering keenly the Russian roulette he had to play previously, took the Russian into a room on the last day of his visit.

In the room were six beautiful, naked young women. 'To prove your courage and manhood, see six of the most beautiful women from each of our tribes. This is something I call 'African Roulette.' You may pick any one of them and she will give you a blowjob.'

The Russian, not too averse to this idea at all, asks the African, 'But where is the risk? To be called roulette there must be some form of risk involved.'

The African smiles broadly. 'One of the six women, is a cannibal !!'

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Re: Sense of humour

Post by desmondlau on Tue Nov 08, 2011 12:23 pm

simmon wrote:Wow, good 1 Desmond Laughing

Mai Siao Siao.... Thank you thank you!
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Re: Sense of humour

Post by desmondlau on Tue Nov 08, 2011 12:27 pm

Scary one Simmon! It's worse than got shot... Later become Agua.... Muahahaha
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Re: Sense of humour

Post by simmon on Mon Nov 14, 2011 12:41 am

A Japanese girl accidentally let out a big fart after making love.
Her excuse….

“ Aww, so solly…exkooz me pleazo.
Flont hole so happy, back hole laugho out loud “

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Re: Sense of humour

Post by simmon on Mon Nov 14, 2011 8:43 am

Man 1 : My wife is obsessed with cars.
While asleep, she holds my bird & says "1st gear, 2nd gear...".
Man 2 : My wife is worse, she puts my bird inside her and says "Full Tank Please".

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Re: Sense of humour

Post by simmon on Mon Nov 14, 2011 8:44 am

Why is the "69" position called the "smokers' position?"
Because while she is smoking the cigar, he is cleaning the ashtray.



Why is sperm donation more expensive than blood donation?
Because it is hand made.

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Re: Sense of humour

Post by simmon on Fri Dec 02, 2011 9:47 am


Mr. & Mrs. Ng have 3 lovely daughters; Elaine, Ena & Ella.

The 3 daughters were brought up in a prim-and-proper way and when they reached 20, they were still virgins. Years passed, and it was time to get them married.

So, the parents found them the most suitable ' leng chais' (handsome guys). They got married and were preparing to set-off on their honeymoon. As 'concerned' (more like 'kay-poh') parents, Mr.& Mrs. Ng were curious about their daughters' first-night experience. So, before the daughters went on their respective honeymoons, Mrs. Ng told them......'Your father and I want to know about your 1st night encounters and whether you are satisfied. Write a letter to us, but as not to raise your husbands' curiosity...you all must use a code-name to describe your experiences'.

So, the excited daughters were off. A week passed. Mr. & Mrs. Ng got the first letter. It was from Elaine. They opened the letter and found the word 'STANDARD CHARTERED'. They immediately took the newspaper and looked for the Standard Chartered advertisement. 'Ah! here it is!', exclaimed Mr. Ng. The motto for Standard Chartered was... 'BIG, STRONG & FRIENDLY' Mr & Mrs. Ng were happy.

A week later, they got another letter. This time it was from Ena. The content was simple. 'NESCAFE'. So, again they took the newspaper and looked for the Nescafe ad. 'Ah! here it is.. 'NESCAFE: PLEASURE TILL THE LAST DROP'. Mr. & Mrs. Ng beamed with joy.

Another week passed. A month passed. And another. There was still no letter from Ella. The Ngs became worried. Finally, the letter came. It was scribbled and could hardly be read, but Mrs. Ng managed to figure it out. The code-name was 'AIRASIA'.
Why 'AIRASIA'...? Mr.Ng rushed to the nearest store and got a newspaper. He flipped the pages frantically. 'Ah! Here it is!' Mrs. Ng grabbed the page and read aloud. Before she could finish .......THUMP!!!...she fell off her chair..
The motto was ...'7 DAYS A WEEK. 6 TIMES DAILY. NON-STOP'...!!!

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Re: Sense of humour

Post by simmon on Fri Dec 02, 2011 9:51 am

A married couple are traveling by car from Victoria to Prince George .
Being Seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue, and decided to take a room. But, they only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they checked out four hours later, the desk clerk handed them a bill for $350.00.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high.
He told the clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.00 for four hours. Then the clerk tells him that $350.00 is the 'standard rate'. He insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appears, listens to him, and then explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for us to use.
"But we didn't use them," the husband said.
''Well, they are here, and you could have," explained the Manager.
The Manager went on to explain that the couple could also have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from New York , Hollywood , and Las Vegas perform here", the Manager
says.
"But we didn't go to any of those shows," the husband said.
"Well, we have them, and you could have," the Manager replied.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, the husband replied, "But we didn't use it!"


The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the husband gave up and agreed to pay. As he didn't have the check book he asked his wife to write the check. She did and gave it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But ma'am, this is only made out for $50.00."
''That's correct. I charged you $300.00 for sleeping with me," she replied.
"But I didn't!" exclaims the Manager..
"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."

Don't mess with senior citizens. They didn't get there by being stupid!

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Re: Sense of humour

Post by simmon on Fri Dec 09, 2011 3:17 pm


A Chinaman picked a dozen cans of cat food and went to pay.
The supermarket manager got suspicious, thinking that this guy might be feeding cat food to his kids.
He asked the Chinaman to show him his cat before he could let him have cat food.
TheChinaman went home, returned with a cat and got to buy the cat food.

The next week the Chinaman picked a dozen cans of dog food and went to check out.
Again the manager became suspicious, thinking that a guy may not have a cat and a dog under a roof
The dog food could probably be to feed his kids.
He asked the Chinaman to show him the dog before allowing him to buy dog food.
The Chinaman wnet home, returned with a dog and got to buy the dog food.

The following week the Chinaman returned again, this time with a bag.
He asked the manager to put his hand in the bag.
The Manager did as told, felt some thing slimy and immediately pulled it out.
He yelled at the Chinaman, "What the hell !

The Chinaman calmly replied,
"Yes, this is shit. Now may I buy some toilet paper?"

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